Adoration of the Ham

So here's this project I did for collage... the assignment was "to corrupt an old master painting"


This was originally Van Eyck's Adoration of the Lamb
you can see it here

So I'm gonna break it all down...
(from top left to bottom right)


The first panel was originally Adam (of Adam & Eve fame); he represents MAN.
In this incarnation, "Adam" the "man" is represented as none other than George W.... I felt that the best representation of "man" in western civilization would be (1) the President (who has always been male and probably will be for decades to come) and (2) specifically Mr. Bu(ll)sh(it), the man of the year. The original inscription is left untouched, as it adds to the ironic placement of our (not) soon (enough) to be ex-president of the USA, and it reads: Adam thrusts us into death. Ah how ironic! So did ol' George W. Bush! In fact, he thrusted 4,146 Americans into death so far (according to this), as well as thousands more in the middle east. In order to keep his private parts private, he uses an American flag to hide his indignity.


The next panel is originally titled Singing Angels, which depicted just that - a chorus of angels. I decided to replace the angels with images of some of my favorite singers who have lost their lives (too soon). They are Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, James Brown, Dead (the lead singer of Mayhem), Wesley Willis, John Lennon, Bon Scott, and Marc Bolan. They are all angels singing; and one of them is placing a copy of Dax Riggs' We Sing Of Only Blood And Love on what looks like a record player.

The next panel was originally the Virgin Mary. The inscription underneath reads: She is more beautiful than the sun + all the order of stars; being compared w/ the light she is found greater. She is in truth the reflection of everlasting light, + a spotless mirror of God. To me, she represents a pure product of nature. So, I replaced her with an image of Chernobyl, which was the imfamous Russian nuclear power plant that was the site of a major meltdown - an example of the human hand destroying nature.

The middle panel originally depicted a god-like figure, who is obviously supposed to be Christ, in whatever incantation that Van Eyck intended (whether it was God or simply Jesus). Well, our Christ Savior is obviously our television sets (which, hey, don't forget to switch over to digital!), so that is what I transformed him into. His inscription reads: This is God, All powerful in his divine majesty; of all the best, by the gentleness of his goodness; the most liberal giver, because of his infinite generosity. It seems that in the modern western world, the only constant "giver" is our cable programming. There is another inscription at the foot of his throne that reads: On his head, life w/out death, on his brow, youth w/out age On his right, joy w/out sadness. On his left, security w/out fear. Television programming will never go away - it will most likely change to fit new standards of technology, but it will forever be something humanity cannot live without. So on his head is "life without death," on his brow, "youth without age" - infinity. "On his right," I placed a bubble pack of Xanax pills, which is our modern "joy without sadness." "On his left," I placed a dollar bill - "security without fear." This panel is dear to me because it represents a basic epitomy of western culture.

Next to Christ, originally, was seated St. John the Baptist - his second hand man. His inscription reads: This is John the Baptist, greater than man, like unto angels,the summation of the law, the propagator of the Gospels, the voice of the Apostles, the silence of the prophets, the Lamb of the world, the Witness of the Lord. Well if the Lord is TV, and this guy is basically god's representative, through which the Law of the Lord is "propagated," then who better to represent him then the one and only Billy (A-Mays-ing) Mays. For those of you who happen to not watch cable, Billy Mays is the master of selling you things. But they aren't just any old things, they are amazing products that I'm not completely sure how we have all survived without. Whether you need to clean industrial sewage from your carpet or be able to hang a bowling ball on your wall, you have to go through Billy Mays for the good stuff. All you need to do is send a check or money order for 19.99 and you're one step closer to nirvana. In his lap, I've placed a pile of money on fire, because that's what you and I are doing.

The next panel is titled Angels Playing Music. I decided to place some random images of musicians playing electric guitar with no particular importance on the actual people. However, I changed the main "pipe-organ playing angel" with the ultimate composer, my man Frank Zappa - another angel.

The final panel on the top of the altarpiece is the opposite of Adam, Eve. Eve, as is the case with Adam, represents woman. I replaced Van Eyck's beautiful depiction of Eve with a girl from an Abercrombie & Fitch ad - the ultimate modern model of woman. She now holds in one hand a box of menthol slim cigarettes, and in the other a book entitled "Women's Rights", which she holds over her loins in order to protect her private parts. Her inscription reads: Eve has afflicted us w/ death.

On the bottom half of the altarpiece, we are presented with a representation of the tangible world - Earth and its inhabitants, who are all Lambs of the Lord. The first panel is originally titled The Last Judges, and the people within represent Justice. I have replaced their images with famous serial killers (which sounds redundant). They include